On Confrontation: Part II

The meeting yesterday came and went.  I left feeling exhausted and defeated.  And, after another series of events new light came to the situation, which in hindsight actually would have saved us from this entire situation.  But, it also provides the best possible solution to the matter.

So, today I am processing and looking back to learn from my mistakes.  I spent a good majority of my time this morning typing out a critical incident report for myself.  What this whole thing boils down to is indirect communication and assumptions.  If I had gone directly to one person and asked what needed to be done to make things work, then we could have taken active steps to make this a better situation for all who are involved. Our next step is to do exactly that.  The other teachers and the ministers involved will meet to develop a plan for training and better utilizing this particular volunteer.  We, then, will work very closely to make this a good experience for the teachers and the students.

I have learned a lot about myself in this process.  I have learned that I need to work on my confidence in addressing issues head on.  So often I get scared of hurting feelings.  Then I tip toe around the issue and hurt more feelings than I ever intended.  Communication needs to be clear, expectations need to be stated, and interpersonal issues need to be handled directly.

Apologies will be made.

Hopefully, now that I see where I have made these mistakes, I will learn from them and take the steps to improve upon my weaknesses.  Ultimately, my desire is to have everyone work together for the good of the students and their faith development.  And, now, I am seeing that working with the students is just as much a part of the adult volunteers' and my own faith development, too.

On Confrontation: Part I

Today, I have to do something that I really am not equipped to do (or, at least, I think I'm not).  I have had to dismiss an adult volunteer who has a great big heart but not much giftedness for leading or facilitating middle school Sunday School.  And, today I am having a follow-up meeting with him which will include the senior pastor, my supervising pastor, and a member of my advisory committee.  It is quite a long story filled with multiple reasons for dismissing this person; but no matter the number of reasons, I am still uncomfortable with meeting with a person so angry with me.

I have agonized over this situation for the past couple of months; and over the past few days, it has consumed my thoughts.  I am nervous about saying things that another person does not want to hear.  I am nervous that I have made mistakes in my way of going about this, and I cannot stop wondering what I could have done differently.

Multiple factors play into my discomfort.  (1) Not many people really like to upset others.  (2) I am having to tell a man who could be my father that I do not see that he is gifted for teaching in a lecture/discussion style setting (so for me, it is a respect your elders kind of issue).  (3) I like being liked.  (4) With the amount of stink already being stirred up, others in the church could become angry (even though the decision has the backing of teachers who have taught with him, the advisory committee, and the other ministers in the church).

Ultimately, my job is to do what is best for this ministry, for the students, and for the leaders who have exceptional gifts for teaching middle schoolers and who have put in so much time and effort.  It is a part of my job to discern where volunteers can best be utilized for the good of the church's ministry with middle school students, and in this case I see that this volunteer is better suited for other aspects of the ministry.

I know all of these things, but unfortunately the meeting will be no less difficult.

In Part II, expect some theological reflection.  Hopefully.